Daniel Bellingham, MS2, Long School of Medicine
While my second child, Mason, has been easier than my first in many ways, unexpected hurdles have tested my resilience. His struggles with weight gain and silent reflux, which requires daily medication and special formula, have added a new layer of stress to an already demanding phase of my life. His frequent night wakings, discomfort after feedings, and slow progression often make me question myself as a parent. I find myself wondering if I’m doing something wrong, blaming myself for his difficulties - a natural but heavy burden to carry. When you add parenting a toddler into the mix of attending medical school, and having our families thousands of miles away, it only amplifies the challenge.
Through it all, my wife and I have learned the importance of leaning on each other and accepting help where we can. That doesn’t mean there haven’t been tense moments or pure exhaustion. In fact, we’ve even made a rule: anything said in the middle of the night doesn’t count against us. Sleep deprivation can make anyone irritable but reminding ourselves that this phase of life is temporary helps us push through. Having gone through similar struggles with our first child gives us perspective. We know these challenges will pass.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that attitude makes all the difference. As Joseph Wirthlin said, "Come what may, and love it." A positive mindset helps me find silver linings, even in difficult moments. Of course, self-care is important, but perspective has been the most impactful shift. When I focus on how much Mason needs me in the middle of the night rather than the sleep I’m losing, the experience changes. Instead of frustration, I feel purpose. In his tiny world, I am his comfort, and that realization transforms my exhaustion into something meaningful.
The same applies to other types of daily stress. It’s easy to justify letting chores slide by thinking, I’m in medical school. I’m busy, I don’t need to do that. But choosing to help my family in small ways - washing bottles, doing chores, putting the kids to bed - lightens my wife’s load, reduces my stress, and creates a greater sense of balance. These small acts of pitching in often make a bigger impact than I realize at the moment.
Another thing that has helped us maintain emotional well-being while navigating these challenges has been building a support system. Living far from family has made us more reliant on friends, classmates, and our church community. Finding people who understand our struggles has been a lifeline. Whether it’s swapping babysitting favors or venting to a fellow med student who’s also a parent, having a network makes a huge difference.
And then there’s self-care, something I once thought was impossible to fit in, but I’ve learned that even small moments can be powerful. Going to the gym, playing intramurals, or even just stepping away for a deep breath are small resets that help me recharge. I’ve also realized that self-care doesn’t always have to be alone time. Activities like coloring, dancing in the living room, or going on walks with my toddler double as stress relief while giving my wife a much-needed break. They also give me a chance to renew my energy to keep going.
The exhaustion, frustration, and self-doubt are real, but they’re also temporary. When I step back and look at the bigger picture, I see my kids growing, learning, and thriving. And knowing that I’m showing up for them, even in the hard moments, makes every sacrifice worth it. I’m still figuring out how to navigate this crazy season of life, but I hope my experience encourages others to embrace the challenges of attending medical school and parenting with a little more optimism.
No matter what you’re going through, kids or not, we can all benefit from a positive outlook. Because, as Meredith Grey wisely said, "No matter how dark it gets, the sun’s gonna rise again."
Daniel Bellingham is an MS2 at the Long School of Medicine interested in pursuing a career in Ophthalmology. Prior to medical school, he graduated from BYU with a BS in Finance and spent two years as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs in Manhattan.