Dr. Chelsea S. Life, Chief Resident, University of Colorado
Time was running out. I kept poring over my notes. Amidst ping-ponging between hand-written scribbles, verbose dictations in my Notes application, and program websites, I suddenly got the feeling that I needed to step away. It had been months of this same scene, played out night after night.
I thrust myself away from my wooden desk and got up to take a breather. A hot shower, cup of tea, and quick stretch snapped things back into perspective. I had the honor of interviewing at many amazing programs, and while most of them felt right, there were levels to their rightness. In a moment of clarity, it all fell into place. What I wanted out of a program, what I needed to succeed, and where I wanted to live: these answers had taken up residence in my subconscious. I just hadn’t been listening. I trusted my instincts, rearranged a few things, read through the list one more time, and certified it. Job done.
Somehow though, that was only the beginning. The most agonizing part lie ahead: the waiting. Weeks of anxiety, nausea, and premature apartment hunting ensued. I had been so focused on what I wanted, I had almost forgotten that I was also an option, someone who had to be chosen. I then began dwelling over my interviews. Every gaffe and awkward moment replayed during my mind’s idle time. By the Sunday evening before MATCH week, I was all but convinced I would be SOAPing.
I will never forget that Monday morning: MATCH status day. Parked outside the office of my current rotation, in my Camry, with the Florida sun beating down on me, I sat. I stared at the unread e-mail notification for what felt like years. Deep breath and…open: “Congratulations, you have matched!” I wailed with relief.
Last step: MATCH day. I wish I could say that I was at peace or that the nausea had subsided. Both of these, however, would be lies. It was another sunny day, and yet another e-mail holding my fate dropped into my inbox. My family gathered around me, deep breath, and…open: “U Colorado SOM-Denver.” Tears of joy sprang from my eyes. The rest of the day was colored with warm embraces, toasts to the future, and (now chronologically appropriate) apartment hunting.
The reality of MATCH week is terrifying, and those of us who have lived it are the only ones who will ever understand it. I had colleagues who went through SOAP, some who did not match at all, and others who matched but were deeply unhappy. At the time, these individuals felt isolated and scared. Shiny pictures on social media miss the duality of MATCH day. I will tell you the truth: some people will be disappointed. If you end up in any of the aforementioned situations, please know that you are not alone. And although I do not know you personally, I know some things about you. As a fourth-year medical student, you have proven that you are intelligent and resilient. If the MATCH does not turn out the way you had hoped, the sun will rise, you will persevere, and you will end up where you are meant to be. You will be able to find joy in this next chapter of your story, just as my colleagues did. In a few months, you are going to graduate with your doctorate, which is a massive accomplishment, and your loved ones will be enormously proud of you.
Looking back now, I wish that I had not spent so much of my fourth year of medical school sick with stress. So, I want to impart onto you the only thing I wish I could have told my younger self: No matter what, you will be okay. I sincerely hope that you are ecstatic on MATCH day, but even if you are not, know that you are a talented individual with an enormously bright future.
Chelsea S. Life (PGY-5) is a Chief Resident in the Diagnostic Radiology Residency at the University of Colorado. For her internship, she completed the transitional year program at the University of Central Florida/Ocala Health. She attended medical school at the Florida State University College of Medicine.